#WCW: Adelle Onyango @ADELLEO

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My #WCW for today is none other than @ADELLEO!!

I’m sure anyone who listens to KISS 100 knows who I am talking about. Adelle Onyango has become one of Kenyan Radio’s biggest personalities of this year. Not too long ago she was doing the mid-morning show until mid this year when she took over from Kalekye Mumo. Despite the rumours about how Kalekye left and she took over, Adelle has been doing a banging job holding fort and besting Shaffie at his game! #TeamADELLE has grown strong and it even gave rise to #TeamShaffie.

One of her widely known projects is Project SHE. At the beginning of 2015, Adelle Onyango begun collecting stories of conquest from women across the world. They would share a challenge they faced in their life that they eventually overcame. ProjectSHE partnered with the Technical Engineering College of Pretoria, South Africa and the students of the college, sent in their stories. The male participants would share a female icon that they draw inspiration from. On the 1st of April 2015, Adelle Onyango begun sharing a story per day. (Source)

To see more of her inspiring work, see www.adelleonyango.com.

Oh and she ain’t one to take bullying lying down!


Therapy Tuesday

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Today is Therapy Tuesday.

I use this day to talk about things that I am going through, things that most people don’t like to admit.

I use this day to see my therapist too. In that one hour, I get to analyze my life in the recent weeks, or sometimes to work on something I have been struggling with.

Today I want to talk about Bipolar Mood Disorder. I am bipolar. I don’t know how else to say it and even the moment I say it I am reminded of my mother’s words castigating me stating “I shouldn’t say that!”.

It is not something I take lightly. I am on medication. For the first time in almost 4 years I feel in control of my mind and thoughts. I feel like I can finally conquer this demon called DEPRESSION.

From 2012 to 2016 my life has been a literal up and down. Around November to around April, depression takes over. Then May to October, I go on a manic episode. In those years, it was like clockwork.

I remember recently being told, “Knowing you Barbra, you will be excited for two months and then disappear for six months!”

Those words stung. They stung like hell. And to be honest, I wanted to insult that person back. Someone who apparently was going through depression told me that. How unfortunate.

But I stayed calm. I told myself, “You know what, Barbra, this too shall pass. You will be stable for a long time. You will conquer Bipolar. It does not define you. January will come and you will still be functional. Just as long as you stay on track and take your meds religiously, all will be well. It shall be well!”

There is power in the words we tell ourselves. There is a lot of power in the thoughts we have. We are our thoughts. Our thoughts shape who we are. The moment we realise this and keep reminding ourselves about this is the moment we learn how to take control of our lives.

It took me a long, long time to understand this. I learnt. I am still learning.

All is well!

Pearls And Heels: Barbra Muruga

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Today on Pearls And Heels we feature Barbra Muruga. Barbra Muruga is  a Queer African Feminist Writer/Blogger. She is also a social justice activist with a focus on feminism and gender justice. Barbra is currently the Executive Director ofEATHAN.org (coming soon!); an organisation focused on eliminating transphobia in East Africa through awareness raising. She is also a Gender & Sexual Diversity Research Consultant and she  conducts research and conduct workshops/sessions on gender, sex, sexuality, identity and expression.

Barbra says, “other than that, I am a simple girl with big dreams. I love to cook, watch movies/documentaries and read books. I’m pretty fun to be around but I often prefer to be at home with my family. In my spare time, I blog atmuruga.me.”

barbra muruga 2

  1. Describe your typical day?

My work is diverse. I don’t have your average “day job” and as such, my typical day is just not so typical! On average, I wake up at 7.00 AM and prepare for my tasks for the day. Often this involves going through my emails and either filling out proposals or developing a research report. Sometimes I have meetings on end and once a while I am attending a conference or conducting a training/workshop. But my best days are when I have nothing on my plate for the day! Chill time! My family still doesn’t understand what I do lol.

  1. What did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a Banker. I remember admiring my aunt who is a banker and her life and I thought to myself, “I could do that too!”. I shifted my schoolwork to get into banking. I did accounting in high school when everyone else was doing commerce (remember the days when we did 14 subjects in high school?). I went on to study ACCA but I never finished. I did eventually become an accountant, but I had a calling into social justice activism and here I am now. I still call myself an accountant though!

  1. If you had the chance to start your career over again, what would you do differently?

I often wonder “What if I finished my ACCA training? Where would I be?”. Then I realise that in this world, the Universe knows where you are at the moment you are in and why you are in that moment. I also realised that everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad, the nasty. All of it. So I am sure I wouldn’t change a thing. I still wonder what kind of life I would be leading had I not made the decision to transition into social justice work.

  1. What would you say are the top three skills needed to succeed at your job?

I believe there are many skills required in my job. The top three that come to mind are:

Integrity. There is something about someone who has integrity. Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. It is generally a personal choice to uphold oneself to consistent moral and ethical standards. It is a quality/skill that really puts you in a position to be trusted with large amounts of money in this line of work and/or large delicate projects with tight deadlines.

Patience. Sometimes I do not get the necessary support I need for some of my projects and I experience serious delays. It requires some special kind of patience to be able to wait for funding for six months or so, for example. Other times I work on a project for three months or so and the pay comes three more months later. It can be quite a challenge if I haven’t put measures to ensure I am okay and that work still goes on.

Strategy. Some people throw this word around since it sounds ‘professional’. I believe that strategy is a skill everyone needs to develop. I am still developing it myself! Being able to achieve high level goals/plans in times of uncertainty and often with limited resources is a fete not everyone can achieve.

  1. As a professional how is it working in the Nairobi? Is Nairobi open to what you do or what could be better?

Nairobi, where it is right now, is perfect for my work. It is such a diverse city with many diverse people.  I wouldn’t want to work from anywhere else in East Africa. I know that sounds awful, but, well… strategy!

Many of us believe that everyone is the same. Yet everyone is different. We try to copy one another in our careers or our social lives yet we forget just how unique each of us was created. I believe that if we all put just a little more effort into finding that unique thing about us, we can better ourselves.

  1. What motivates you?

My personality is INFP, “The Mediator”. I am a people pleaser. I seek to find the good in everyone. I am motivated by my work because I get to please people. I get to do things that go on to improve the lives of others. That makes me happy and drives me to keep on doing what I do.

  1. How do you define success?

Success for me is when I have achieved happiness. If I am happy, I am successful. I do not believe that you need a big job, big car, big house etc to be deemed successful. All material wealth deteriorates and nothing is really definite except death. So find out what makes you happy, and go get it.

  1. Who has been your greatest inspiration?

My mom. Sounds kinda corny but she is my motivation. My mom is the kind of person who takes adversity with stride. I’ve struggled with a couple of ‘illnesses’ in the last few years (including depression) and she has been my rock all through! I want to be like her.

  1. What is your favorite aspect of your job?

Traveling to new countries, new cities! I absolutely love that. For example, I have never been to Brazil. This year, I get to go there for a week and I am simply elated. I wish it was for football though.

I also love meeting new people in the different spaces I occupy. I get to interact with people from so many diverse backgrounds and when we share our stories we connect and I learn from them, they learn from me. It inspires my work and gives me a better understanding of how to do my job.

  1. What would you say are the key elements to being successful?

Many of us believe that everyone is the same. Yet everyone is different. We try to copy one another in our careers or our social lives yet we forget just how unique each of us was created. I believe that if we all put just a little more effort into finding that unique thing about us, we can better ourselves and be successful. The rest will come to you, if you listen.

  1. What advice would you give somebody just starting out in your line of work?

I would tell them what I tell my younger friends/colleagues/cousins etc. who just completed University or college. Find an internship and grow from there. There are a lot of NGOs that have internship opportunities. I started this line of work when I took the risk to leave a paying accountancy job and go do a six-month internship. I was not sure whether I would be absorbed into the organisation but that was my goal and I worked hard to achieve it. Eventually they did absorb me in and as they say, the rest is history.

As I said, work hard. Do not under-estimate the power of networking. Be careful of people who want to use you (especially us ladies!). Practice patience. Do not jump from one place to another, employers do not like a busy CV. A busy CV says you are not someone they can trust to work with them for a long time. Most of all, find what you like most, what makes you happy, and work towards it. You many need to work in places that are not in what you want but always remember your goal and work towards it. It will happen. Instant gratification and success is utopic.

  1. What has been your most satisfying moment in terms of career?

The most satisfying moment of my career was when I decided to leave a high paying job and start my consultancy. It was also the most stressful! I still wonder what if? …But I know that had I stayed, I would have been miserable. I am happy where I am now.

  1. What makes you happy?

That’s simple. Spending time with my family and close friends. And seeing the people I serve improve their lives.

  1. What are your hobbies? What do you do in your non-work time?

I like to cover myself in a duvet on the couch and catch up on the latest series or movies. Often I will prefer to watch Nat Geo or Discovery Science because I discovered I learn better through watching documentaries. I love to cook so every weekend I challenge myself to make something new. But because of work and travel, this goal is yet to be realised fully :-(. I also take time to write on my blog, do some social media and just chill. On occasion, I love to go on long walks and ride bikes at Karura.

  1. Where you see yourself in around 10 years?

My life plan says that in 10 years I will be married, hopefully retired, owning a home and taking care of my children. I do not want much. I want to be happy with my family and work in a space that doesn’t infringe on my happiness.

If you would like to interact with Barbra you can find her on twitter at @brbzy.

This article was first featured on Potentash.com and written by @Potentash

Single Lady In Nairobi: When You Give Up Everything For A Man Who Doesn’t Love You

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Single lady in Nairobi: Don’t be eager to over impress

Have you ever met those ladies in university who do everything for their boyfriends? I don’t mean ‘everything’ in terms of love and care for them; I mean cook, clean his house, wash his boxers and even give them money. Meanwhile the guy just sits there smoking shisha and blowing the smoke in your face as you tirelessly scrub off the vomit from last night’s party off his carpet?

Such cases just leave me wondering where the heck we went wrong as women. I mean can’t we just give fair share to a relationship without going as far as literally breaking your back just to keep this guy by your side? Is the sex really that good that you’d give your all to become a wife to someone who doesn’t even give a rat’s ass about whether you find other girl’s panties in his bed as you clean his bedroom?

A woman cooking. Image from http://madamenoire.com/195646/so-what-if-i-dont-cook-for-women-who-arent-obsessed-with-what-men-want-in-a-wife/

See, going through campus has always been regarded as one of the main stages that really teaches you about life’s harsh truths. Getting to live alone (or sometimes with a roommate or two) far away from the tender care of your parents/guardians shows you a thing or two about how to buckle up and face tough things on your won. Examples of these include rom cutting down on expensive luxuries like eating meat every day to cutting down on having milk with your tea, but one big lesson I got from campus is dealing with relationships.

Read more at Potentash.com.

10 Lessons That I Have Learnt

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Youth leaders go through various cycles of progression in their lives as they transition from adolescence to adulthood. This progression is not homogeneous but there are questions and lessons that are built through the mutual lived experiences.

In the past 5 years I have  gone  through changes  in my  professional  life  moving  from the edges  to the front  lines  of policy advocacy  for  action, health systems  strengthening and last  mile in service  delivery  for reproductive health  and youth  development  programs.

I wanted  to share  some of  the  lessons  I have  learnt, still  re-learning  everyday with youth leaders and  hope you find this useful with your journey  (all the best): Continue reading »