Today is Therapy Tuesday.
I use this day to talk about things that I am going through, things that most people don’t like to admit.
I use this day to see my therapist too. In that one hour, I get to analyze my life in the recent weeks, or sometimes to work on something I have been struggling with.
Today I want to talk about Bipolar Mood Disorder. I am bipolar. I don’t know how else to say it and even the moment I say it I am reminded of my mother’s words castigating me stating “I shouldn’t say that!”.
It is not something I take lightly. I am on medication. For the first time in almost 4 years I feel in control of my mind and thoughts. I feel like I can finally conquer this demon called DEPRESSION.
From 2012 to 2016 my life has been a literal up and down. Around November to around April, depression takes over. Then May to October, I go on a manic episode. In those years, it was like clockwork.
I remember recently being told, “Knowing you Barbra, you will be excited for two months and then disappear for six months!”
Those words stung. They stung like hell. And to be honest, I wanted to insult that person back. Someone who apparently was going through depression told me that. How unfortunate.
But I stayed calm. I told myself, “You know what, Barbra, this too shall pass. You will be stable for a long time. You will conquer Bipolar. It does not define you. January will come and you will still be functional. Just as long as you stay on track and take your meds religiously, all will be well. It shall be well!”
There is power in the words we tell ourselves. There is a lot of power in the thoughts we have. We are our thoughts. Our thoughts shape who we are. The moment we realise this and keep reminding ourselves about this is the moment we learn how to take control of our lives.
It took me a long, long time to understand this. I learnt. I am still learning.
All is well!